


New Conditions

by Celandine



Category: Sime~Gen - Jacqueline Lichtenberg & Jean Lorrah
Genre: Character Development, Drama, F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-19
Updated: 2010-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-13 19:09:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/140677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celandine/pseuds/Celandine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simes kill Gens. As a channel, Marji helps other Simes avoid that terrible fate - but can she help her fellow channels avoid it too? And how can she achieve acceptance in her new community, when she has fallen in love with a Gen... who is also a woman?</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Conditions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Katherine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katherine/gifts).



"Mama!"

Her own scream woke Marji. She was sitting bolt upright in bed, all her tentacles extended, convinced that she was draining the life force from her mother—but there was no one there.

Beside her Trina stirred.

"Another need nightmare," she said in a sleepy voice. "Come here."

Marji let Trina draw her down into an embrace, soothed more by the steadiness of the other woman's nager than by the soft caresses. Two days before transfer, like any Sime Marji felt no sexual desire. It was Trina's wordless promise that she would have the biologic energy of selyn when Marji needed it that allowed her to relax.

She slept for another couple of hours. Waking, she slipped out from under the covers and dressed silently in the dark. Simes needed far less sleep than Gens, so she left Trina in bed and padded out to the kitchen to make herself some trin tea.

The hot beverage refreshed her. She wasn't hungry, not this close to need, but if she didn't eat something Trina would scold her. Simes did require some food to rebuild bone and tissue, even though their bodies burned selyn rather than caloric energy. She toasted a slice of her grandmother's bread and absentmindedly spread it with strawberry jam before she remembered that strawberries were now poisonous to her. Well, perhaps Trina would eat that piece when she woke up. If not, it could go to one of Fort Freedom's pigs. Marji toasted a second slice, this time reaching for the honey jar, and nibbled at it as she drank another cup of tea.

"Good morning, Marji." Margid Veritt walked into the kitchen.

"Good morning, grandmother." Marji jumped up and gave Margid a hug. "Tea?"

"Yes, please." Margid looked at the untouched piece of toast and raised her eyebrows.

"I'm sorry," said Marji, passing the filled cup. "I forgot I couldn't eat strawberry jam any more."

Margid gave her a lopsided smile. "Your grandfather used to forget sometimes too, even after thirty-five years of being Sime."

Marji nodded. She had not known Abel Veritt well; she had never met either of her grandparents until a few months ago, when she had gone into changeover at her parents' house in Gen territory, and her mother had risked her own life to bring Marji to Fort Freedom. Hope Carson had not known, then, that the community she had grown up in was learning to live without killing. A newcomer to this Sime community, Rimon Farris, with his Gen wife Kadi, had discovered first that Simes—sometimes, anyway—could take selyn from Gens without killing them by burning out their nervous systems, and later found that he and a very few other Simes possessed a secondary energy system, by which means they could draw selyn painlessly from many Gens and channel that life force to Simes in need, preventing them from killing.

One of Fort Freedom's other channels, Uel Whelan, had given Marji just such a transfer in her First Need after changeover, and had discovered that Marji herself was a channel like her uncle Jord, bringing the number of channels in Fort Freedom to four.

The community had never had more functioning channels than that. Rimon's son Zeth had changed over just a couple of months after Marji, but on the same day his parents had been gravely injured in an attack by raiding Simes. When Kadi Farris died from her wounds, Rimon retreated into a near-coma, mostly delusional in his few conscious moments.

Before his own death, however, Rimon had nearly killed Zeth, not only draining the selyn from his secondary system but also from his personal primary system. Zeth insisted that it was that traumatic experience that had enabled him to condition himself against killing in a way no other Sime had ever achieved.

Uel, who was almost as experienced a channel as Jord but who was also the first known non-junct, a Sime who had never killed, had zlinned Zeth's system, and agreed that there _had_ been a change in his channels which Uel could only interpret as an anti-kill conditioning. He had zlinned a similar state in Abel Veritt's system before he died, but Abel was junct, not a channel, and had been extremely old for a Sime, something over fifty. His death did not prove that a non-channel could not be conditioned against killing.

Uel was determined to figure out exactly what had happened with Zeth and duplicate it if possible. If he and Jord and Marji were successful, then they might see if ordinary Simes could also receive such conditioning. Even a non-junct Sime could be provoked to the kill by sufficient Gen pain and fear, Marji knew. There had been several such cases in their recent struggles against both the Sime Freeband Raiders and the Gen border patrol. Marji dreaded the thought of killing, and hoped that they would figure out a safe way to prevent it.

Lost in her gloomy thoughts, Marji barely registered Trina's presence. Not until the Gen woman patted her on the shoulder did Marji rouse.

"Trina? There's a slice of toast with jam for you, if you want it. I'm afraid it's probably cold."

"That's all right," said Trina, sitting down and biting into the slice. "Thank you for making it for me."

Marji didn't bother to explain that it had been a mistake; instead she got up and began toasting two more slices of bread. The Gen's hunger, carried to Marji on her emotional nager, enabled the young Sime to finish eating her own toast and honey.

Marji kept her own emotions under tight control as she looked at Trina. That was another problem, a more personal one. The Church of the Purity, in which they both had been raised, taught that becoming Sime was a punishment for sin: one's own sins, or perhaps those of one's parents, depending on interpretation. Nevertheless even Simes were expected to have children in the hope that they would become Gens at adolescence. In a world that was a struggle to survive, anyone who failed to marry and have children was suspect at best.

Since her changeover, Marji had tried to persuade herself that since what she had been taught about becoming Sime was wrong, perhaps this was too. Loving Trina certainly harmed no one. But Trina, who had had ten years of the newer teaching that to be Sime was not a curse, also felt that their relationship was not one that would be accepted by their community.

"How busy is the schedule today?" Trina asked.

"Not too bad. At least, it didn't look like it yesterday. We'll see what juggling Bekka has had to do once we get there, I suppose," said Marji. She looked at Trina's empty plate. "Have you had enough?"

Trina nodded. Marji collected the dirty dishes and washed them efficiently while Trina went to find a sweater. Margid dried in a companionable silence, and Marji kissed her grandmother on the cheek before leaving and hurrying down to the chapel. The best-insulated building in the community against zlinning, there the channels worked to collect selyn from Gen donors in the mornings, and dispense it again to Simes in the afternoons.

Uel and his Gen Companion Hank were already there, conferring with Bekka to see if she could juggle the schedule to give all four channels the last couple of hours of the afternoon off. Uel wanted to start trying to work out how to implement the anti-kill conditioning.

"I see I'm working with Jord this morning," said Trina.

Marji peered around her shoulder. Trina was right. Wik, a young Gen who had come from the kill pens, was scheduled to work with Marji.

All the channels required a Gen companion to be available, especially when working with new donors, and they had a number of Gens from Marji's home town who had rarely if ever donated before. The presence of a trained Companion was a buffer against Gen startlement and fear at the unfamiliar sensation of selyn flow. Most of the time Companions worked with their own transfer partners, but Rimon had thought that it was best not to let any channel become too dependent on a single Companion, just in case. Also, working with different Gens meant that more could be trained as Companions, so that if and when new channels were discovered, there would be trained Companions to help them immediately and give them First Transfer.

Marji sometimes wondered about that. Ordinary Simes, who couldn't keep from killing Gens on their own, had to have channel's transfer from the beginning. That was what Marji herself had had, since no one had expected her to be a channel herself. Both Zeth and Uel, though, had had their first transfer from Gens, and they both had greater sensitivity than she did. On the other hand, they both seemed more dependent on their Companions. Marji didn't mind working with someone other than Trina at all, although privately she admitted she preferred transfer from Trina, in part because it led to lovemaking afterward. With the specter of need banished, other desires could be acknowledged and gratified.

Jord was more sensitive than Marji, too, and so had Rimon been, although both of them had begun their lives as Simes by killing—in fact, Rimon had killed another Sime, his cousin after whom his son Zeth was named. Jord had been killing for too long to disjunct, and that caused him no end of trouble. No one was quite certain how Rimon had managed disjunction. Every other Sime who had attempted to stop killing had been unable to do so. There seemed to be only a short period of time after changeover when the new Sime's systems were still malleable enough to accept disjunction. Yet Rimon had been junct for four years and nevertheless disjuncted. Perhaps he, too, had somehow stumbled on the same sort of conditioning that Zeth had discovered, Marji thought. The channels' efforts that afternoon might help to provide some answers.

Wik, along with Jord, Zeth, and Zeth's Companion Owen, arrived then, and the four channels began that day's selyn collection. As always, Wik was a steady presence, although Marji hardly needed him. The donors from Gen territory were all people she had grown up knowing, and those from Fort Freedom were accustomed to donation.

After a break in the middle of the day during which the Gens ate lunch while the Simes drank tea, they resumed work, now dispensing selyn to Simes who were in need. Marji was less comfortable with this part of her duties. She knew that her simulation of killbliss, which the older junct Simes required for real satisfaction, was not very good, although she had worked and practiced on it under both Uel's and Jord's supervision.

She had even worked up her courage to zlin a kill. Slina, the pen keeper, when she learned that Marji was trying to improve and wanted to zlin a kill, offered herself as a subject. It had been a useful experience, but Marji still found it difficult to bring herself to replicate an emotion that she herself rejected.

Thankfully, most of today's clients were younger Simes, non-junct or disjunct. Bekka had done well with the scheduling to manage that. It bothered Marji sometimes that she was considered a better channel than Jord only because—being junct—he had so many health problems, being junct, but she could only do the best she could do.

"Good afternoon, Tana," she said cheerfully to the last woman scheduled for transfer that day.

Tana managed a weak smile. "Hello, Marji. I'm ready." She held out her hands. Marji grasped Tana's forearms, entwining their handling tentacles, then extending the delicate laterals that would conduct the selyn from her body to Tana's. She leaned forward to press her lips to Tana's and initiate the flow, summoning up the memory of the pleasure she had felt in her own last transfer from Trina and feeding that emotion to Tana along with the selyn.

It took only moments. Then Tana was smiling, bubbling with happy relief now that her need was assuaged, and Marji chatted with her for a few minutes before she left. Uel emphasized that it was important to keep transfers personal, as different as possible from the depersonalization of the kill, especially for the junct and disjunct Simes they served.

Once Tana had left, though, Marji thanked Wik for his help that day. He came along with her to the channels' meeting, but Uel said that Wik need not stay. Hank was there, and Owen, and Trina, and since Wik wasn't anyone's regular companion, he might not be interested. Wik asked to stay, though, if Uel didn't think it would be a problem, and Uel shrugged and let him.

"All right, Zeth. Explain to us all again what you think happened to your selyn system, and then we'll talk about how it could perhaps be duplicated," said Uel.

"I think the most important part was that both my primary and secondary systems had been almost totally drained the previous cycle," said Zeth thoughtfully, "because that was what happened with Abel too; his primary system was almost totally depleted. And I remember something my father said once about when I was born, making his system work backward? I had the impression that his primary system was drained dangerously low, into attrition, and perhaps that would explain why afterward he wasn't junct? But I don't know." He frowned. "I almost died, yes, but it it wasn't the _very_ next transfer that sensitized me against the kill, and I'd think it would have to be. So perhaps my idea is wrong."

"I suppose that if we try this, it won't _hurt_ whoever makes the attempt, even if it doesn't succeed." Hank spoke for the first time. "If you do this, Uel, would you take your transfer from me? Or from Zeth? If you're all the way into attrition, you might just burn me out even if you weren't trying to."

Marji shuddered involuntarily, and saw that the other three channels reacted the same way to the idea of a Companion dying. Interestingly, none of the Gens showed any fear in their nagers.

"Hank has a good point," said Jord. "Zeth accomplished this with a Gen transfer afterward, but I don't see why it would make a difference to have channel's transfer, and it _would_ be safer. If that turned out not to work, well, we'll all be zlinning to see how it goes, and could determine whether Uel's draw was great enough to pose a risk for Hank, if Uel needed to try again."

That all made sense to Marji, so she nodded agreement.

"I'm going to feel like a criminal on display, if all of you are there," Uel complained, "but I suppose that's the best method. Zeth, can you re-create the way you felt when it happened? Not in terms of selyn level, not now at any rate, just the emotion, the overall _feel_ of it."

Zeth nodded, although he seemed to Marji to be uncertain.

"Zeth, first try to recapture how you felt when Rimon was draining you," Uel instructed.

Marji slipped into duoconsciousness, then hyperconsciousness, zlinning the shifts in Zeth's nager. She sensed a complex mixture of a desire to help, love and respect, regret, determination, and fear. Even used as she had become to her Sime senses, she reeled with the intensity of it, and slipped back into duoconsciousness to find Trina putting an unobtrusive hand on her elbow, steadying her with Trina's own calm.

"That's as near as I can get," said Zeth after a moment. "It was the first time he was actively drawing since Mama died; I thought if I could just give him enough selyn to stabilize him..." He shook his head fiercely. "But it didn't work."

His sorrow permeated the atmosphere.

"There was nothing you could have done, Zeth," said Jord, and both Hank and Uel echoed him. Owen took Zeth's hand, letting Zeth's handling tentacles twine around his arm. Marji zlinned the way that Zeth's tension decreased slightly at his Companion's touch.

"Now, when you had that 'anti-kill' transfer," said Uel, "what was it like then?"

Again the three other channels went duoconscious as Zeth cast his mind back to that moment, trying to recapture its emotion. This one was equally complex, but different: fear and distress, a yearning that was partly fear and partly hatred, and then a relaxation, a calm acceptance. That must have been when Zeth gave up the desire to kill, Marji assumed.

Jord shook his head. "I don't know whether I can duplicate that or not. I would do anything not to kill again, but I just don't know if I'm capable of this."

"I'll try first," said Uel firmly. "I'm non-junct, like Zeth, but I have more experience than Marji. Then she can try, and with more information from the two of us, perhaps we'll find a way to make it possible for you, Jord."

"I agree," said Hank. He shrugged his shoulders when the channels all looked at him. "Look, if there _is_ a way to create an anti-kill conditioning in channels, all of the companions—all Gens, really—will support it. You all have different capacities, different selyn needs, and Rimon, for instance, needed more than any Companion but Kadi could supply. He wouldn't have _tried_ to kill anyone, maybe, but with the best will in the world he could have burned out Trina or Wik or Owen or me. We may be _slightly_ more replaceable then you are, but that's not saying much." He grinned, defusing the tension.

"You all agree to the plan, then?" asked Uel, and everyone present nodded. "Good. I'll be due for transfer in another week. We'll have Bekka schedule both Zeth and me not to accept any donations that morning, so that I can give whatever I have left in my secondary system to Zeth."

"What about your primary system?" Zeth asked. "Do you want me to drain you down to attrition, too, or should we go outside of town where you can augment it off?"

"Since your folks' place burned, there really isn't a good insulated spot other than here... or Slina's," said Uel. "And I don't think this is something we want to do at Slina's. You'd better drain me."

Zeth paled a little, and Marji couldn't blame him. She would be frightened too at the notion of trying to drain the senior channel into attrition.

She stopped and thought about that. Yes, Uel was the senior channel, she decided. He was younger than Jord, but had been channeling almost as long, and was non-junct and therefore more stable. Zeth would probably be better some day—everyone agreed that his father had been the best of the three original channels—but not yet.

"I'll talk to Bekka," Zeth offered, moving toward the door. "Who's on duty tonight in case there's a changeover?"

"I am," said Marji. One of the four of them was always on call each night, to attend changeover or cope with any other emergencies. She would come back to the chapel after dinner and catnap there. There was a bed, too, where Trina could sleep, not to be awakened unless necessary.

Zeth nodded and left, Owen close behind him.

"I'm ready to go home, too," said Jord. Wik followed him out.

"Do you think we're doing the right thing, Uel?" Marji asked.

He looked at her with surprise. "Don't you?"

"I suppose so. It would be nice to think that I couldn't even be _tempted_ to kill against my will," she admitted.

"Yes." Uel paused. "It's possible, you know, that this sort of conditioning is only possible during First Year, just like disjunction. If I fail, it will be up to you to be our test. When is your next transfer?"

"Two days. So if I'm going to wait until after you try, which I'd rather do, it will be just over three weeks after yours. But you'll succeed."

Uel smiled. "I hope so. See you tomorrow."

Hank and Uel left.

Trina looked at Marji. "Shall we go have dinner?"

"Yes."

Margid had made a thick bean soup, fragrant with herbs and full of chunks of vegetables. She and Marji each had a small bowlful with bread, while Trina ate two hearty servings.

"You know, although I've always tried to follow Abel's teaching and eat two meals a day whether I was hungry or not, it's much easier to do so with a Gen at the table." Margid smiled at Trina.

"Abel would say that is what shows that Simes and Gens really _are_ meant to live together, without killing," said Trina.

"I believe you're right," Margid agreed. "I've wrapped slices of fruit bread with honey to take with you tonight, girls."

They drank trin tea and nibbled at the fruit bread while playing chess that evening. Some nights saw visitors dropping by to pass the time, but not that evening. Marji was scowling at the board, trying to decide whether to move a knight or a rook, when Trina said, "Did you zlin anything odd about Zeth and Owen today?"

Marji shook her head. "I don't think so. Why?"

"Something about the way Owen touched Zeth." Trina stopped speaking as Marji made her move, then countered with her own bishop. "Check. I think there just might be something between them. _You_ know. Like there is between us."

"You think so?"

Trina nodded. "Maybe I'll drop a hint or two to Owen and see if he's willing to say anything; me being a fellow Gen and all that. I know they've been best friends since Zeth was born, just about, but this seemed different. I can't read their emotions as you can, though, so try zlinning them together and see if you can pick up anything."

"Why does it matter?" asked Marji.

"If they are..." Trina paused delicately, " _together_ , then they're going to run into the same problems with Fort Freedom's expectations that we are. Zeth has the title to the Farris homestead, now, and I've heard him talk about rebuilding it. If he does, he'll be expected to get married and fill the place with children. Besides, it seems that channeling runs in families, and he'll _definitely_ be expected to provide a future channel or two, don't you think? Maybe he and Owen would be agreeable to the idea of having the four of us live together. Owen and I could get married, and you and Zeth; or the other way around." She shrugged.

"And have all four of us sleep together?" Marji was troubled by the thought.

"Not necessarily," said Trina, "not unless we all wanted to. You and I could share a room, and Zeth and Owen. Since we're transfer partners, it wouldn't even look all that odd if anyone realized, at least not if they thought it was an occasional arrangement instead of our usual one."

"I guess that makes sense," said Marji. She shook her head over the board, shrugged, and made a move.

"Checkmate," said Trina, moving her bishop. She yawned. "I'm going to go to bed. Wake me if you need to."

Marji nodded and put the kettle on to make more tea.

It remained a slow night and she had plenty of time to think about what Trina had said, both the suggestion that Zeth and Owen might love each other the way she and Trina did—her mind turned away from just what it was they might do physically together—and then the idea of marrying Zeth, having children with him.

Growing up in Mountain Chapel Marji had always assumed that she would marry and have a family of her own, but her imaginings had never been very specific as to the process. She knew much more now. How would it be, to have sex with Zeth? Or perhaps Owen? What would happen if the four of them did this, and then there were disagreements, even quarrels? That was almost certain to happen, and Marji could see things becoming very complicated. Not that they couldn't make it work if they _wanted_ to, but...

Marji went in to check on Trina. The chapel's walls were well-insulated enough that Marji couldn't zlin from one room to the next to see how she was, although Zeth had commented once that he could, a little bit, just not with much detail.

Trina was snoring softly, so Marji went back to her tea and curled up again. Was Trina right in the first place about Owen and Zeth? Marji knew that Owen had been courting one of the ranchers' daughters for a while, and it had seemed serious, but he had broken it off for some reason. Marji wondered if it had been something about the girl, or if Trina was right and it was that she _was_ a girl, and Owen had realized he preferred men. She would watch and zlin both him and Zeth carefully when she got the chance, for the next week or two, and form her own judgment.

The next week passed without any significant events or crises. Marji paid close attention to Zeth and Owen, and came to the conclusion that Trina was probably right. The two of them talked it over and decided to wait to talk with the two men until after Uel's attempt to achieve an anti-kill conditioning. If it worked, Marji's attempt would probably go smoothly; if it didn't, they would wait until after her try, so as not to overburden or distract Zeth.

Uel's attempt proved to be not entirely disastrous, but not effective, either. He managed to put himself into attrition, and took transfer from Zeth without any trouble, but despite trying to duplicate Zeth's experience, he felt no different afterward, and none of the other three channels could zlin a change in his nager or his selyn system such as had occurred with Zeth.

"I suppose I'm next," said Marji afterward.

Uel nodded. "I'm sorry."

Marji shrugged. "I was going to be trying it whether it worked for you or not. Maybe we should have me take transfer from you, and Zeth and Jord monitor. Zeth zlins greater detail than any of the rest of us, plus he _is_ the one who's actually experienced this conditioning, so hopefully he would be able to tell me if I do something wrong."

"I can do that," said Zeth, "but are you sure you want to take transfer from Uel? It could be that this has to be done with Gen transfer. Hank normally serves Uel's need, and Uel's capacity is higher than yours, plus he's ahead of you in cycle since Uel took _his_ transfer from me. I'm virtually certain you couldn't burn Hank out, even in attrition. Hank?"

Hank raised one shoulder and dropped it. "I'd be willing, but it would put me out of phase with Uel for next month, wouldn't it?"

"Maybe. If you got Bekka to have you work the waiting room for Simes all month, easing their need before transfer, that would stimulate your selyn production," said Uel. "And if that wasn't enough, I could balance my fields afterward. We always have extra selyn from the donors.

"Besides, we're still figuring this out, and as Zeth said, it's possible that it doesn't work with channel's transfer; Zeth experienced it with Owen, remember, and when Abel came close, he shenned out of transfer with Zeth. So I agree with Zeth; when Marji tries, it should be with Hank. Then Jord and Zeth and I can all be observers. One of us might pick up on something the others miss."

Marji agreed, but when they were alone that night she complained to Trina, "I don't see why I couldn't have just had transfer from _you_ , not Hank. You always have plenty of selyn for me."

Trina tucked the blanket more firmly around her. "But I've never had to handle you in attrition. If Zeth and Uel think there's cause for concern there, I'm happy to take their advice. I love you, but I don't have to have transfer with you every month to prove it."

"I guess not." Marji snuggled closer. "Let's prove it another way tonight."

* * *

When it was finally time for her to attempt the anti-kill conditioning transfer, Marji was edgy. Even with Trina beside her, calming her, she couldn't keep still, and had to remind herself of the rule against augmentation within Fort Freedom's walls.

"Ready?" Uel looked at her sympathetically.

"I suppose so." Marji took a deep breath and expelled it, trying to relax. She would transfer to Uel the little she still carried in her secondary system, and after that he would work with her to drain her primary system into attrition as well. Then he would let Hank take over, and they would see what happened.

As the selyn drained away, first from her secondary channels, then from her primary ones, Marji grew more and more frightened. She could sense the selyn fields of the other channels and Gens as bright sparkling networks scattered around the room, but her own body was a dark void. Every fiber of her being yearned to take the energy of one of the others into herself.

Uel disengaged his tentacles, leaving her alone, the promise of selyn, of life itself, denied. All her instincts told her to lunge after him; it took the greatest effort of will to hold steady. A flick of Zeth's field brought her up to duoconsciousness.

"Hold on, Marji. You can do it," Zeth was murmuring. "Like we talked about. Hold fast to your own unwillingness to kill. Do that as you draw. _You_ control the flow."

Marji thought she nodded, but she wasn't sure. She whimpered, reaching for Hank, coming toward her with maddening Gen slowness.

Then he was there. She wrapped her handling tentacles around his arms, pulling him toward her. Her laterals found the selyn-rich nodes beneath his skin, and she pressed her lips to his to initiate transfer.

Hank's selyn rushed into her, almost bubbling through her system in a way quite different from her transfers with Trina. She increased her draw speed and felt him cooperate, then increased it again. Hank resisted. Marji zlinned his concern; it wasn't quite fear, but close enough to remind her of her purpose. Deliberately she slowed again, concentrating on her resolve not just not to kill Hank, but never to kill any Gen. Selyn flowed into her steadily now. Marji sensed the way it passed through each nerve channel in turn, and then realized there were some it was not entering.

It seemed almost as if the energy force itself knew not to enter those paths, to find ways around while still filling the rest of her system.

Marji returned to duoconsciousness briefly. As she relinquished Hank from her grip, she snapped back into hypoconsciousness, as usual post-transfer.

"Are you all right?" was the first thing she asked.

"I'm fine." Hank smiled at her. "I _was_ worried there for a minute, but not much. Uel sometimes draws even faster than you were doing."

"Good," Marji said, relieved. She turned to the other channels. "I think it worked."

She described the sensations she'd experienced.

Zeth grinned too. "I think you're right. I was zlinning very closely, and what happened to you matches well enough with how I felt. I'm starting to wonder if it's physiological, if there are specific nerves that, if used, make a person junct. If they've never been used, and yet sensitized against use—kind of like an allergy—that might be what creates the conditioning."

Uel and Jord were nodding agreement.

"That's pretty much what I zlinned too," said Uel.

Jord added, "That explanation makes sense to me, and it would also explain why it's so hard to disjunct. Once you use those channels, your body wants to continue using them and after you've done so a certain length of time, you can no longer change." He gave a thoughtful frown. "Perhaps this anti-kill conditioning is simply a stronger version of being non-junct?"

"That could be," Marji agreed. "That's sort of what it felt like."

"The question then becomes whether or not ordinary Simes, non-channels, can do this. All of us are significantly more sensitive in our ability to zlin than the average Sime," said Jord. "We seem to perceive our own systems in better detail, which allows us to affect them more."

Uel nodded. "That's exactly the question, you're right. I think you and I will want to attempt this again, and see what we can figure out. Maybe try with Gen transfer to see if that makes a difference too, as well as age after changeover."

"We might also see if there are any ordinary Simes still in First Year who would like to try," said Zeth.

"Not Jana, Zeth, I told you that before," said Owen.

Trina had once told Marji that he had always been very protective of his little sister.

"You can't make that decision for her, Owen," she now said gently. "She's a grown woman and she has to make her own decisions. If she wants to try to learn how never to kill, I think you have to give her that opportunity."

Owen scowled but did not reply.

"Trina, shall I take your field down, since you weren't able to give Marji transfer this month?" asked Jord, and Trina nodded.

"Please."

That exchange took only moments. It would be safer for Trina not to be high field. Despite being a trained Companion, she could still be vulnerable to a junct Sime in extreme circumstances.

"Shall we go to my grandmother's and tell her that it worked?" asked Marji.

Margid was delighted with the news, of course, and expressed her hope that the anti-kill conditioning would someday be possible for Jord, whom she loved as her own son although she had not given birth to him.

Marji managed to pull Zeth aside later that night and murmured to him, "Trina and I have an idea we would like to talk to you and Owen about, soon. Uel's the one on night duty tomorrow; could the two of you take a walk with us after dinner? This is something we don't want anyone else to hear about just now."

Zeth looked somewhat confused, but agreed.

"Now, what did you want to talk about?" Zeth asked the next evening, as soon as they were outside Fort Freedom's walls.

"Have you given any thought to the future? Now that it's pretty sure that we'll all have one?" Trina looked hard at the two men.

Stiffening, Owen retorted, "Of course. Have you?"

"What Trina means to say," Marji broke in, "is that we don't know about you two, but both of us are getting some subtle, and occasionally not-so-subtle, hints that one of these days we should think about settling down in families of our own, not stay with my grandmother forever. Trina more than me, since I haven't even been Sime for a year yet."

"No one's said anything to _me_ ," began Zeth, but Owen interrupted him.

"Yes, some." He made a face. "Not when I was seeing Sue Gordon, but since."

Zeth scowled at his Companion. "You never told me."

"It didn't seem that important. It hasn't happened much." Owen shrugged.

"The thing is," Trina said, "and if I'm wrong, say so, but Marji thinks I'm not mistaken, I get the idea that neither of you is really all that excited about marrying a woman."

There was a long pause. Marji zlinned the way that both Zeth and Owen clamped down on their emotions, although they exchanged some significant looks and shrugs and nods.

At last Zeth said, "That's not completely inaccurate, no, but so what?"

Trina gave them a satisfied smile. "Because Marji and I feel the same way about each other that you two do, but I think I have a solution that might work for all of us."

She explained her idea. At first the two men seemed skeptical, but as the four of them talked over the details, their enthusiasm grew, until by the time they had circled around and were approaching Fort Freedom once again, they were all agreed.

"What I don't understand," remarked Marji to Zeth, "is why no one has come out and said that there's a problem with me and Trina being together, or you and Owen. At home people would have."

Zeth was watching Trina and Owen walking ahead of them. "Well, you grew up in a Gen community. It's not as though our emotions are really a secret to other Simes. What happens is that out of politeness, people will refrain from mentioning such things if they're considered inappropriate. We'll be given every chance to act in ways that are for the good of the town, whatever our private emotions may be. Trina has been established as a Gen for several years now, but the rest of us haven't been adults for even a year.

"Plus, Owen and I have been best friends all our lives, and you grew up in Gen Territory, so there's some excuse or explanation for the three of us that would lead other people to overlook certain attitudes, for the time being that is. But in the long run there would be problems, so I think I'm glad that you two came up with this idea." Zeth gave her a shy but friendly smile. "I don't dislike girls—sorry, women—as _people_ at all. I've always been friends with Jana as well as Owen. I've just never been interested in them romantically... and I don't think I would be, or could be, not with Owen around. He's everything I need, but I'll do my best by you."

"Thank you." Marji hesitated, then said, "One thing that might be important is that from what I can tell, channeling does run in families, so you and I both are going to be more or less obliged to have children. I almost think that it would be best if I married Owen and you married Trina, to increase the chances of having children who might become channels."

"Perhaps, but on the other hand, maybe it's like stock breeding; better to reinforce the traits you want. Besides, in terms of natal years, Owen's a better match for Trina, and me for you... not to mention that mostly people expect Simes to marry Simes, and Gens to marry Gens, my parents and your uncle Jord notwithstanding." Zeth looked at her. "Unless you really don't _like_ me, and you'd rather be with Owen?"

"No, no," Marji reassured him. "Honestly, I don't care that much."

"All right then, it's settled. I think that we can walk out together for a few weeks, and then let it be known that I want to rebuild on the Farris homestead, and that you and I will share our house with Owen and Trina. I bet we'll have plenty of people happy to help rebuild before the end of summer."

"I'm sure you're right," Marji agreed.

A bubble of happiness welled up inside her.

A year ago, she had lived in terror of becoming Sime, of perhaps killing one of her family. That worst nightmare had come true, yet had turned out to be not a dreadful thing at all. She was non-junct, conditioned against killing now, and could keep other Simes from the kill too. Even her unexpected love for Trina had proved to be something that was not so terrible after all. Marji took Zeth's hand and squeezed it, pulling him into a run to catch up with their Companions—and the future.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Yuletide, Katherine! You wanted a same-sex, Sime-Gen pairing, preferably F/F; I wasn't able to manage Laneff/Jarmi, but I hope the _First Channel_ (or rather _Channel's Destiny_ ) era suits well enough, and that you don't mind a bit of M/M as well.


End file.
